Change
Gotdamn change is hard. And lonely. It can be the most freeing, eye opening experience and also so fucking, all-consumingly hard. I don’t think the realization of how one change has ripple effects into so many different parts of everyday life is spoken about enough. I tossed a stone into my pond, and the ripples can still be seen and felt. Changes can be so many different things… jobs, locations, romantic relationships, family and friend dynamics, setting boundaries, holding people accountable that you may not have needed to do before, changing to a different version of yourself, losing people, becoming a parent, health changes… the list goes on and on. With any of those changes, the ripples created can complicate life and become a struggle to constantly see the positive growth that has come from something new.
Checking in and centering yourself, even when making a good change, is so imperative. With the good change, also experiencing anxiety, depression, or physical and social/emotional struggles is normal and human, yet can also surprise the hell out of you when you experience it for the first time. On one hand you are getting everything you worked so hard for, you’ve come out of the turmoil and are on the other side. So, shouldn’t everything always feel good, all of the time? Short answer is absolutely the fuck not.
One of the biggest ripples to come from change would be with the people in your life. As your situation changes, your dynamic with others close to you can be affected. Personally, moving two hours away and changing careers has absolutely affected many (but not all) relationships. People are used to you always being around and being accessible, that extra care and time needs to go into maintaining a now long distance relationship. I cannot explain the surge of endorphins when someone I moved away from asks to visit, meet in the middle for drinks, or want to plan day trips or vacations. That has also been quite an adjustment. To go from seeing your people every day, to almost not at all. This period of transition can be extremely lonely. Something that really forces you to step outside of your comfort zone, in order to continue to grow. I am also incredibly thankful for my people who are out of town. Our friendship has been built on long distance, so to have that dynamic remain the same and to have something so important to me be something that hasn’t changed, during a time of major change, has been everything. They have been rocks and beacons helping to ground me and point me in a direction of love and growth on a new path. My biggest take away from relationships and friendships changing as a ripple due to a bigger change is to constantly communicate your needs, don’t overthink anything and continue to check in with one another. People have shown up for me during this transition period in so many unexpected and beautiful ways. I’m just incredibly thankful for my people and head over heels in love with my tribe.
Another ripple in my metaphorical stone of change being tossed into the life lake, would be the ripple of purpose. I left a career where my purpose was reinforced daily. Oftentimes, more than once a day. I was directly impacting lives and the effects and results were constantly there. I am in a new profession, where I am still making an impact on lives, but the immediate gratification of making a difference is not always visible. This realization was not immediate, and as the honeymoon phase and excitement of change wore off, it became more noticeable.
That’s the other thing about periods of transition. Is there a time limit on adapting to it and not being surprised by it? It doesn’t seem like there is. You can do all the mental, physical, and spiritual prep work for transition up front, but it can still catch you off guard and slap the shit out of you like Will Smith at the Oscars.
Change can help you to realize how your previous situation or environment impacted you. You may not realize it until you are removed from the old and present in the new. Numerous times my new boss has asked me, “who hurt you?” [She knows. She’s heard all the reasons for leaving teaching.] or moments of panic or anxiety would arise because of past trauma that is no longer relevant. Teaching can for sure do that to you. It’s the best profession. I’ll die on that hill. But, pending your district or your administration, damn can it wreck you, affect your health, and traumatize you (that’s a blog for another day). Being away from a very toxic environment has taken me out of fight or flight mode, allowed anxiety to settle to just a dull dose of overthinking, focus solely on my job, leave work at work, and not have negative health side effects like panic attacks, high blood pressure and the infamous blood vessel bursts in my eye that would always happen when most stressed. These have been some of the most surprising and unexpected changes to come with this transition. Most times, I didn’t even realize these changes until they were asked about or pointed out as nonexistent.
Do I have any regrets about switching careers? None. Do I have any regrets about moving? None. I have zero regrets about uprooting my life, comfort zone, and career. That doesn’t mean it’s still not hard. That doesn’t mean I don’t miss parts of my old job. That doesn’t mean that a little over a year into it I am still adjusting and unlearning a lot of bullshit that came with my previous profession. It doesn’t mean that some days, it can be a struggle and feel so lonely. It just means that with ANY life change and transition… by choice or force… you must grant yourself grace and keep moving forward. Communicate needs. Set boundaries. Hold your tribe close to you. They are the ones that will get you through. I hope that no matter what life change you have gone through, by choice or not, something resonated with you and that we each have more compassion for ourselves. Tits up and onward.
Rant over. ♡KT
