Milestones for Singles

Baby Showers, Bridal Showers, Engagement Parties, Anniversary Parties, Weddings… the list of milestones for couples that society tells us we need to celebrate, not just with our presence, but with gifts/money seems never ending. The amount of my money and time that I have spent on friends and family that are couples is unsettling. It is a great financial undertaking. The part that has me ranting though, is that the concept of showering your people with gifts is a one-sided street. Single childless people are not celebrated for their milestones in life, like their friends and family who are getting married and having children.

This entire rant (actually this entire blog) came about after watching a TikTok where the creator basically says that single people never need to burden their own finances to give a gift to two people celebrating their love. I’ll link it here so you can watch it: TikTok Watching it resonated with me and brought back reminders of the old Sex and the City episode where Carrie Bradshaw ends up registering for a pair of Manolo Blahnik shoes after realizing how much money she had spent on her married friend with children. What really made me say “yeah!” in solidarity, were the comments on that TikTok. SO many people stepping forward and saying how expensive it is to celebrate couples or people having babies OR people bringing to light that their milestones are not celebrated in that same way. This quickly became a two-folded brain dump of 1am intrusive thoughts.

First, I must tackle the custom of celebrating love with gifts or money. This feels like an incredibly outdated tradition rooted in a time where it was once necessary, but no longer relevant. Couples, this is not 1980. You are not moving from your parents’ house to a brand new home with your spouse. You have most likely been living together for a while now and have combined household items. This is also not 1950. You are both working. You are paying for all bills and your mortgage on TWO incomes instead of one. The idea that you register for gifts to upgrade your home, is truly asinine. Single people do not have the luxury to split bills or their mortgage/rent. They are affording life on their sole income. They should not also be expected to gift you something because you legally decided to be bound to someone you love. The entire “wedding” process is expensive for guests. And do not even get me started on the amount of money your bridal party pays for your special day. (side note, if you get a divorce you should refund your bridal party. kidding. maybe.) Couples have engagement parties, a bridal shower (sometimes more than one), bachelor/bachelorette parties, and of course the wedding day. All of those events require some sort of fiscal responsibility rooted in tradition and proper etiquette. No longer should any guest be expected to gift you an amount of money to “cover the cost of their place” at your wedding. Someone actually commented on the TikTok video, “if you are going to the wedding you give a gift…cost is about $250 a head…not their fault a guest isn’t married.” McScuse me? It is also not my fault you are dumping $50k into one big party. I should not be expected to make up the cost of your financial decisions. Why isn’t being surrounded by the people you love the most, to share in your happiness and love, enough? Why isn’t that the proper etiquette?

The second part of this rant is reciprocity. The money that single, child free people spend on couples and their children is not reciprocated. It often feels like a one-way street. This is a societal “norm” that needs more of a conscious effort and acknowledgement to break. Single people do not have these designated special days of celebration like people who get married or have babies. It takes more awareness on your part when invitations are not issued to you with gift registries attached, to celebrate them and their milestones. All of my one income, single, child free friends have incredible milestones happening in their lives. Sometimes the couples they have shown up for both physically and monetarily can be the last people to show up for them. A “congrats on your new job” text really does not hold the same weight as you being in their wedding and spending money on their engagement party, shower, bachelorette trip, and special day.

Think of all the incredible milestones that can be celebrated that have nothing to do with marriage or babies. Promotions, new jobs, education, degrees and doctorates, leaving careers, buying a home on their one income, paying off a loan or a mortgage, moving to a different city or state, starting a podcast, beating a illness/disease, successful surgeries, finding a new medication that is working for them, writing a book, or celebrating their fur babies just like they celebrate your children. There are SO many ways to celebrate your people who are single and childfree. Please take a moment and check out this list: Single Milestones Worth Celebrating and think of some people in your life that have celebrated your love and your babies. Find ways to reciprocate that celebration and shower your people for their accomplishments.

Over the past year, I had many milestones and changes. I had surgery, sold a home, left a career, moved to a new city, and started an entirely new career. I am incredibly thankful for my friends that supported and celebrated the hell out of me in so many beautiful ways. I have a beautiful, curated tribe that show up and celebrate all of my non-marriage and non-children milestones. I greatly appreciate my people who recognize that fur babies ARE children. If you get to bring your child, I get to bring mine. I think that the people that send/bring gifts for your dog are the most precious people. Cherish them. They get it. They recognize the love we have for our dogs and that our fur babies are extremely important to us and our lives. This past December, one of my friends would only tell me what her daughter wanted for Christmas if I would tell her things my dog liked so that she could send him a Christmas gift, too. I cannot even explain in words how much that meant. She gets it and she celebrates it.

I am grateful beyond words for my circle of single, child free women. Meeting them and creating beautiful friendships has brought even more understanding surrounding celebrating milestones. These women show up consistently. We take care of each other after surgeries, bring over care packages when we are sick, cook meals for one another after recovering from health ailments (ok, I’ll admit I have NEVER done this one, but it has been done for me lol), and take each other out for birthdays and celebrations. We exemplify a two-way street in each other’s lives. I am also grateful for my girlfriends who are married, have children, and never made me feel less than because my milestones look differently from theirs. Some of those girlfriends are the first to celebrate me and support me. They have come to home inspections with me, been there for tough break ups, and celebrated me quitting a career, just to name a few.

Do not get me wrong, if you have the means to monetarily celebrate milestones and that is something you enjoy doing, by all means continue doing just that. One of my love languages is gift giving. There is such a joy that I feel when I find something unique that lets my person know I am tuned in to their interests or paid attention to what they love. There is such a joy that I feel when I give my friends’ children and furbabies gifts. Mostly, it is to annoy the hell out of my friends by bringing their child/dog the most ridiculous toy. Examples of annoying gifts I have given: drum sets, nerf guns, squirt guns, and buttons to demand treats. As long as I financially can do so, I will, because I love it. I think the expectation of showers and registries, gifts and money is a mindset that needs to change when it comes to marriage and babies. This was more about bringing light to old traditions that do not really make sense any more, as well as bringing attention to the single people in our lives that we may have forgotten to celebrate. The single people who have spent a lot of time and money celebrating their friends’ children and marriages. The single people who physically show up for celebrations. Find a way to reciprocate and celebrate their milestones. Trust me… there are so many milestones to be celebrated.

Rant over. ♡KT